When Love Fades Away
That summer when I was 18, Ryan took my virginity
I endured the pain, but secretly felt happy all night long, thinking my six years of secret love had finally come to fruition.
Until the next day, when I overheard his friends teasing him:
“Not bad, you scored with the class beauty”
I felt embarrassed and was about to quietly leave.
Then I heard Ryan’s casual reply:
“I want to pursue the school beauty but I’m afraid she’ll think I’m too inexperienced.
“So I’m using Mia to practice my skills first”
I didn’t say anything. At the last moment before the deadline, I silently changed my college application from New York to Florida.
Ryan’s words hit me like a bolt from the blue, completely catching me off guard.
My mind went blank instantly
On such a hot summer afternoon, I felt chills all over my body.
The conversation in the classroom continued. The others seemed stunned for a moment before speaking again.
“As expected of Ryan, even the class beauty is just practice for him
“Doesn’t that make her like, you know, a maid for special services in those old wealthy families?”
Ryan laughed carelessly
“Don’t talk nonsense. It’s not like she’s losing out.”
Someone immediately agreed.
“That’s right, the class beauty has gotten a bit thin. Compared to the school beauty, her figure is…
Ryan irritably threw a book at him, interrupting his comment.
“It was just a moment of impulse. The mood was right, and she seemed to be struggling to hold back too…”
The others exchanged knowing looks and teased him:
“Who would we thought the class beauty was the sultry type:”
“Tsk tsk, it’s our Ryan’s irresistible charm. Might as well eat the meat right in front of you
“The class beauty has been chasing after Ryan for so many years. I guess she finally got her wish. She probably wanted to jump him long ago.”
The laughter in the room grew noticeably louder.
I bit my lip hard, my hands clenched into tight fists.
It took all my strength to keep steady and not collapse at the classroom door.
D
Footsteps approached from the end of the hallway.
I snapped back to my senses and fled
d the scene in a panic
In my confusion, I hid in a bathroom stall.
Tears of heartbreak and humiliation were already flowing freely.
Ryan’s words echoed in my mind over and over, nearly destroying all of my self–esteem.
If I hadn’t heard it with my own ears, I never would have believed that he was the same person who had been so passionately intimate with me just last night.
So it turns out you can do such intimate things even without love
Even in the most passionate, irrational moments,
nts, it’s possible to lie and deceive.
What I foolishly thought was the culmination of our relationship was nothing more than a joke to others.
The more I cried, the more upset became.
But I didn’t dare make any loud sounds. My body kept shaking uncontrollably.
After a long while.
My phone buzzed with a message notification.
It was from Ryan.
[Take a cab home yourself. My class is having a party tonight, so it’s not convenient for me to take you.]
I didn’t reply.
He added another message.
[Remember to buy the morning–after pill yourself. I’m too busy today. Make sure to take it, be good.]
I stared at these two messages for a long time, speechless.
Last night, from dusk till dawn, Ryan had worn me out over and over again.
Before falling asleep exhausted in each other’s arms, he had whispered twice:
“I wasn’t fully prepared for our first time. I’ll definitely buy you the pill tomorrow.”
He even reminded me that girls need to protect themselves, and that I must take the morning after pill or it could be very harmful to my body
At the time, I thought he was being so responsible towards me. I thought I had finally found my happiness.
But now….
In an instant, I sobered up considerably
I pinched my palm hard, forcing myself to stop crying.
I wiped away my tears, composed myself, and left the bathroom.
Too
o embarrassed to go to the pharmacy, I just ordered the mill col
After swallowing the pill with tears in my eyes, I seemed to lose all my strength, I just sat numbly on the carpet, staring blankly.
Ever since Ryan’s family moved in next door, I had followed him around like a little puppy for ten years.
I had never imagined what a world without him would be like.
I didn’t dare to imagine it.
But from now on, I would be alone.
Outside the floor–to–ceiling windows, lights came on one after another, then gradually went out
I don’t know how much time passed before my best friend Lily video called me.
“Mia, why didn’t you come to our class party with Ryan tonight?
“That Claire from the liberal arts class showed up instead. She’s been clinging to Ryan while you’re not here. The two of them are being so Gross.
Lily turned the camera to show me.
In a dark corner of the private room, Ryan and Claire, the school beauty, were sitting very close together.
Claire was wearing a crop top and tight jeans tonight, showing off her slim waist and long legs.
The two of them were clearly separated from the rest of the group
Even when they talked, it looked like they were whispering sweet nothings to each other.
The flirtatious atmosphere was palpable even through the screen.
My chest tightened uncontrollably.
the wanted to pursue her. It seems he had already succeeded by evening.
Ryan had just said this afternoon that h
