I can’t breathe.
My legs refuse to lift my weight. Instead, I stay kneeling with my shoulder against the blood–stained pole for support.
“Let’s get you up “The kindness the healer shows me is more than I deserve.
“Just leave me here,” I whisper. My mother comes over to me, crying. That also hurts my soul, the shame she has to carry, my family has to carry, from my dance with insanity. Just a second without thinking has led me to this moment. Never again will I not think before 1 act. A cooling cloth is pressed onto my back. Smelling of medicine, it numbs the pain slowly.
“I’m sorry, Mother.” Still, my voice is shaky with the need to cry. My father’s back is to me; he leaves without another word
“Let’s get you home.” Wrapping an arm around my body, the healer helps me to a standing position. The effort makes sweat roll off my forehead. The healer takes my other side, and I’m somewhat dragged, carried to my home. I lay face down on the bed, and the ointment is spread over the ruined flesh. more bandages applied. My mother is given directions from the healer on how to treat me. A cup is pressed against my lips, and the tart liquid makes my nose scrunch up.
“It’s so you can sleep.” I finish the concoction before being left alone in my room to think about my actions.
It takes three days before I don’t need help getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. Three more days for me to be able to walk on my own. Another two more days to go back to school.
Walking into the cafeteria,I have to endure the sight of them together. I have two more years left, they graduate in the spring. At least I don’t have long till I no longer have to see them every day.
My friends have turned their backs on me, pretending I’m not standing there, hoping they make room for me to sit with them.
“I’m sorry, Rya, but all the spots are taken. No room for you anymore.” I don’t say anything back to Cora. It’s no use. Turning away, I take my lunch outside and sit underneath one of the maple trees. The leaves are just starting to unfurl, providing a small amount of shade from the sun. Being alone, shurned now from the group I grew up with, has me silently nibbling my sandwich as it catches my tears.
I’m picked last for group projects; gym class has me the odd–man–out. The teachers don’t say anything, I’m not sure they even notice the shift in status. The humans around us just think I’m fighting with my group of friends.
No one is physically violent with They just treat me as if I don’t exist. Like I have no feelings. The worst are the pack gatherings. Most of the time I just refuse to go, boling up inside niy roum, a grey cloud following me wherever I go.
I have to watch as he makes a plate for himself and her. Always he’s providing her with food for the pack to see. As the last to eat, only the unwanted items are left for me. Usually, I go without. Sitting at the back by myself, unable to even eat with my own family, I’m in my own private purgatory that I endure quietly without complaint. Sometimes, on very rare occasions,I can feel his eyes on me. But, just as fast as I feel them, they’re gone. I try not to look at him anymore for fear he will be able to feel my gaze as well
Two years I endure this. It’s a lonely, miserable life. It’s funny how you grow and mature and the body people see looks healthy and young, except for me it’s just a shell covering my emptiness.
I’ve applied for a transfer out of my pack, and the Alpha has granted my wishes, with the understanding that I am to come back when needed. My marks have been above average, and I’ve been accepted to apprentice as a midwife underneath the guidance of a much–esteemed female. The header helped me with my application, I was interviewed, and my grades were looked at. My commitment level was assessed, they just don’t want anyone who will drop their training once they meet their mate. She was made aware of my situation, accepting me instantly. A sad smile tugged at her eyes as she welcomed me into her home with a hug
For the first time in two years, I have a smile that reaches my eyes with what my future might be
